Please Do Not Offer My God a Peanut

A dozen 7-11s transformed into Kwik-E Marts over the weekend to promote the coming Simpsons movie.

In their honor, the wisdom of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Jr., Ph.D.:

• Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!
• Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I work, I work.
• By the 7 arms of Visnu, I swear it. I am not a Hindu.
• Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels! [runs off]
• Lisa: Wow, a secret staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer?Apu: You know, it's never come up.
• Mrs. Simpson, I--I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual depantsing.
• No offense, but we're putting the bitch on ice.
• Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
  Customer: Give me some jerky.
  Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
• Inspector: Apu Nahasapeemapetilan, you have disgraced the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation.
  Apu: But, sir, I was only following standard procedure.
  Inspector: Ah, true. But it's also standard procedure to blame any problems on a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb.
  Apu: Uh huh, and if I can obtain for you these animals?
• He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.
• Hey! Hey! Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. You leave me no choice but to...ask you nicely again.
• Homer: No offense Apu, but when they're handing out religions you must be out taking a whizz.
  Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.