Saturday, October 28, 2006

How Does it Feel (To have your music bastardized by a Broadway barbarian)?

Twyla Tharp bring's Bob Dylan's music to Broadway in "The Times They Are A-Changin'" and she gives us all a taste of the revolutionary power of a preening dufus parading around with a giant glittered novelty guitar and crooning "Like a Rolling Stone."

Oh, good grief.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

America The Beautiful

Here's an story that answers all my questions about the efficacy, legality and morality of our country's interrogation techniques. It's not pretty.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Movie Quote Quiz

By TPerl

The following aren't the most memorable movie quotes, but ones that I personally find my myself quoting often for whatever reason. So I figured, why not make a game out of it here on "Rolling Bones". The only clues I'll give you is that each quote is from one of my favorite movies of all time, and each movie is only represented once.

1) “In fact, I was a member of the board when we drafted it, so quite the opposite.”

2) “Best damn chicken in the state.”

3) “Are we…black?”

4) “You overcook it, it defeats its own purpose.”

5) “I’m stayin’. I’m finishing my coffee.”

6) “He’s gone. And we couldn’t do nuttin’ about it.”

7) “No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.”

8) “I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin. I prize the rent out of the local Hebrews.”

9) “Why don’t you have the steak? Then maybe I can get a little surf-and-turf action.”

10) “Where’d you get this jacket?”

A shiny new donkey to whoever gets the most movies correct (extra points for naming the character and/or actor who said it). So I just want to wish you all good luck - We're all counting on you.


Friday, October 20, 2006

Love You First Time, Love You Long Time

Can someone explain to me why people calling into sports talk radio feel the need to preface their inane opinions by declaring they are a first-time caller and a long-time listener? Of what value is this information? Who gives a dinky shit if Sal from Yonkers is a "first-time, long-time?"

Way to go, Sal! You popped your sports talk cherry! Now go stick it back up your ass.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My Pet Goatse

Somehow I've been cruising the Internets for 10 years and managed to miss the phenomenon known as

Check it out. And be thankful I didn't link directly to this (not safe for work, digestion, or a good night's sleep).

Not Necessarily A Blog

Long before "The Daily Show" and while "Saturday Night Live" floundered in irrelevance, there was HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." Flashback to 1987, and admire the brilliant editing. Ah, Reagan, threats of nuclear armageddon and Communism. Those were the days.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Mr. Garble For Senate

I just had to share this campaign ad that's in heavy rotation out here in Joisey. It's Tom Kean Jr. accusing Sen. Bob Menendez of...well...hmm. Listen carefully, as the Menacing Voice-Over Narration-Guy instructs. Really carefully. Like, with super hearing.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

A-Rod Killed Cory Lidle

By TPerl

If A-Rod (and the other overpaid, past-their-prime all star hitters in the Yanks lineup) had actually done their jobs in the ALDS against Detroit, maybe Cory Lidle would have been at Yankee Stadium on Wednesday afternoon getting ready for Game 2 of the ALCS instead of flying a plane along the East River.

By no means am I trying to make light of this tragic accident, but can you really argue that I don't have a valid point?

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Knock The Vote

I've recently been accused of un-American activities for my expressed intention to forego my hard-won franchise and pass on this year's mid-term election. That's right. I'm not voting.

The first vote I ever cast was an absentee ballot in the 1992 presidential election for H. Ross Perot. If there could ever be a better indication I am unfit to select my leaders, it alludes my imagination. (Mostly, I was pretty baked at the time and thought it would be funny. It was.)

I didn't vote in 1996, and in 2000 I voted for Rick Lazio in the New York Senate race against Hillary Clinton. Not because I like Lazio (did anyone?) but because I despised Clinton's entitled, shrill, grating persona.

I voted for Gore and Kerry, and look how that turned out.

So now I'm returning to my roots. And judging by the 63 percent of eligible voters who routinely do not vote in mid-term elections, I'm not alone.

I won't vote in this midterm election because my vote simply won't count, in the sense that it can't possibly decide the outcome. Added to which, gerrymandered districts trick you into thinking you are a member of a representative republic when you are merely a cog in a cynical machine set to a pre-determined outcome.

There are plenty of good reasons not to vote. And appealing to my patriotism or willingness to commit a symbolic act ain't any kind of temptation. I prefer to act realistically and leave the symbolism to poets.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Have The Rolling Bones Killed

By Arielle

Greetings, blog reader,

Notice anything about today?

Yes, October 10 happens to be the birthday of Thelonious Monk, Peter Coyote, Bradley Whitford, David Lee Roth, Tanya Tucker, Brett Favre, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Chris Penn, Svetlana Bakhridinova, and the nation of Fiji.

It's also the anniversary of the Hurricanes' defeat of the Devils for their first-ever post-Hartford regular season win, Liz Taylor and Richard Burton's second marriage, the deaths of Orson Welles and Christopher Reeve, and Rush Limbaugh's announcement that he was addicted to painkillers and hitting the rehab.

It is also World Mental Health Day.

Yep, today is full of great things!

Oh right. It is also the birthday of one D. Bones. That's right: 32 years of OJ-hating, goatee-wearing, Paris Hilton-slandering, morbidly bad football-watching, apocalypse-forecasting, Billy Joel-mocking, God-denying, right-wing talk radio-listening, Flanders-quoting, Bruce-loving, occasionally complaining, neurotically cleaning, pineapple juice-guzzling, soy milk-sipping, vocabulary-flexing...well, you get the point.

Happy birthday, Bones!

Now you can get back to "Nanny 911" and celebrating your youth.

Friday, October 06, 2006

72 Virgins

By Arielle

Bones and I are stumped, so I'm turning to you, remaining 1.5 blog readers, for help on this important quandry.

We're told these crazy terrorist hijackers are blowing themselves up for, among other things, the promise of 72 virgins. Well, who exactly are these virgins? Are they women (or more likely, young girls) being punished for something they did in life and sentenced to a hell that involves being loveslaves to hairy, socially inept terrorists? Do the terrorists get to pick which 72 they get, perhaps one or two they had summertime crushes on during Jihad camp? Or are they just afterlife nymphs who don't really exist?

I can't imagine there are really enough dead virgins for each one of these deluded "martyrs" to get 72. Or is that why their version of god kills so many innocent people, to restock the virgin supply every so often?

(Disclaimer for the obvious-challenged: No, I don't think these virgins really exist, or that these terrorists actually qualify as martyrs, or that their concept of heaven is even remotely close to what really happens when you murder thousands of people. But if these guys are staking their (in many cases, once-promising) lives on those 72 chicas, don't you think they might have some conception of who they'll be dealing with?)

Just wondering.

The Divine Right of Laws

Thais have a king to hold their country together. We have laws. Or at least we did until Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld got together.

In more positive news, Carteret has a new program to help pregnant, suicidal, drug-addicted violent kids.

Monday, October 02, 2006

White and Nerdy

Weird Al Yonkovic is back. Actually, I'm pretty sure he's never gone away.