Thursday, April 30, 2009

Favre Christ's Sake

Quick thoughts on the reincarnated speculation Brett Favre will once again un-retire and try to play football.

When Favre played for the Packers, I always rooted for him. Right up to the very last interception he threw against the Giants.

When Favre played for the Jets, I rooted for him. But only because, as a Jets fan, I had to. (See: Rick Mirer, Bubby Brister, Ray Lucas, Frank Reich, Browning Nagle, Neil O'Donnel, etc.)

If Favre comes back to play for the Vikings or some other team, I will root against him. With rabid glee.

And if he stays retired, struggling with the finality of his decision while mowing his Mississippi lawn with a tractor, I swear to God, I will root for the weeds.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

And Knowing Is Half The Battle

For those of you who grew up watching G.I. Joe, here's a more mature take on the franchise from Adult Swim. People actually get shot. No convenient parachutes from exploding helicopters. And it still hits the nostalgia sweet spot. I don't know what to make of this summer's life-action movie, but this came out of nowhere and entertained me.

And enjoy the spoof public service announcements above. Pork chop sandwiches!

Monday, April 13, 2009

100 Ways To Procrastinate

A compilation of "The 100 Most Iconic Internet Videos."

Go ahead. You know you have nothing to do today.

Friday, April 10, 2009

When Will The World End?

I remember learning about the five Ws in elementary school. These were the question words. All of the world's answers lay just beyond their asking.

In our global, digitally connected society, that has never been more true.

Still, I never really think of asking Google direct questions. Mostly I use keywords. The idea of typing “Why does my ass hurt?” doesn't seem, to me, as productive or as elegant as simply typing “hemorrhoids” or “sex play riding crop injury.”

But all you need to do these days is type a word or two into the Google search box, and by perusing the automated suggestions you can get a pretty good idea of what's on people's minds.

Some are scientific: Why is the sky blue? What does my name mean?

Some are political: Who should I vote for? Where do I vote?

Some are paranoid: Where was Obama born? Why do men cheat?

(Be careful typing in something like “why do black.” At least if anyone is watching you. Or you have a sense of shame.)

And my favorites are philosophical, enigmatic, and – if you don't recognize the pop cultural significance of the phrase – absurd: Where the hell is Matt? Who moved my cheese? When will I grow up? Why do men have nipples? Why do dogs eat poop? Why did I get married? Where are they now?

Indeed. Questions for the ages.


Google's suggestions for life's burning questions in April 2009:

Who wants to be a millionaire

Who is

Who wants to be a millionaire online game

Who killed the electric car

Who is big poppa on real housewives of altanta

Who wants to be a millionaire game

Who is winning the election

Who should I vote for

Who moved my cheese

Who is my congressman

What not to wear

What is my ip

What does my name mean

What time is the inauguration

What is my ip address

What time is it

What i like about you

What is a good credit score

What is twitter

When i grow up lyrics

When is easter 2009

When is the superbowl

When does twighlight come out on dvd

When is the superbowl in 2009

When is superbowl 2009

When will i die

When is thanksgiving

When will i grow up

When will the world end

Where do I vote

Where does the vice president live

Where was Obama born

Where the wild things are

Where are they now

Where is Santa

Where do I go to vote

Where the hell is Matt

Where are you Christmas lyrics

Where am I registered to vote

Why is the sky blue

Why do cats purr

Why do men cheat

Why so serious

Why did the chicken cross the road

Why do men have nipples

Why lyrics

Why did i get married

Why do dogs eat poop

Why georgia lyrics

How to tie a tie

How i met your mother

How to kiss

How to get pregnant

How stuff works

How to cook a turkey

How to

How to lose weight

How to draw

How to knit

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Raise The Bridge!

Roger Ebert fucks with O'Reilly. A fun little take-down.

For some wonderful nostalgia of a dying newspaper, don't miss his latest blog post.