Thursday, December 28, 2006

2006 Reasons To Move On

Ah, 2006. The Year of the Dog. The 100th anniversary of the birth of the guy who discovered Asperger's Syndrome and the 250th anniversary of the birth of Wolfgang Amadeus Motzart, the guy who inspired that song by Falco.

This year saw the beginning of the construction of the Freedom Tower at Ground Zero in Manhattan. It saw forceful anal sex enthusiast Kobe Bryant score 81 points in a game and 12 miners die in West Virginia.

Scientists predicted it will end as the third warmest year on record, behind 1998 and 2005.

Hamas won an election. Rick "frothy mixture" Santorum lost one.

"Crash" won the Best Picture Oscar for depicting the most obvious lessons in crashingly obvious ways. Someone allowed Robin Williams to continue making movies.

I think Michael McDonald won "American Idol."

There was a military coup in Thailand and Slobodon Milosovic died in his cell. Ariel Sharon left office in a coma, and Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death. As for the rest of his country, the jury is still out.

Americans argued about Iraq, immigration and equal rights for homosexuals. Sean Hannity continued to push for sane, tolerant attitudes and peace on Earth.

There were earthquakes in Greece and Indonesia, mudslides in the Philippines, tornados, floods, volcanic eruptions, stiff winds, and sunny days. There were bomb attacks in India and celebrity births in Namibia.

Vince Young just won games, Rutgers football rose from the ashes, Roger Federer failed to excite Americans with one of the best years ever, and a cheater won the Tour de France.

Planes crashed, a popular painting was stolen, and a stingray killed a crocodile hunter.

The U.S. population hit 300 million, and the only thing all but four of them knew about the World Cup was that the bald French guy headbutted the Italian guy.

Science magazine predicted 90% of maritime lifeforms would be extinct by 2048. The Democrats took over Congress.

Iran worked on nuclear devices and denied the Holocaust. North Korea set off a nuclear something or other. Wilson Pickett, Coretta Scott King and Byron Nelson died. Carson Daly continued to live.

I got a headache. Happy New Year.

How I Remember Gerald Ford

By TPerl

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Get Up. Get on up.

I Don't Feel So Good

First The Godfather of Soul and now Gerald Ford. Big deaths like this usually come in threes. Is it wrong if I'm rooting for Dick Cheney?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Merry Listmas

And now for a blog from two years ago recycled as a Home News Tribune column. But a good one. Ho-ho.

In the News

By TPerl

Two quick items to talk about:

1) As I'm watching the 11 o'clock news last night, one of the lead stories was the WTC rebuilding story - Actually, it was a side story that got me. Apparently, another bone fragment was found on the site, and the on-site reporter quips: "And some are wondering now if the priority should really be rebuilding" - at which point I shouted out "YES!!!" at the TV screen.

Of course the priority should be rebuilding. It should have been the priority for the last 5 fucking years! Not to sound insensitive to the victims' families, but do you really need a bone fragment to honor their memory, or to "get closure"? If you haven't been able to move on at this point, I don't think a bone fragment is gonna do it - how 'bout some counseling and a prescription for anti-depressants, perhaps?

Look - if you're husband left for work on 9/11/01 in NYC and never came home, do you really need a piece of DNA to confirm what happened? And if the bastard used 9/11 as an alibi to run off to Mexico with that whore in Accounting, maybe you're better off believing he's dead.

2) Stephen Mara, son of Wellington, tackled and choked a fellow NYSE broker (who also happens to be an Eagle fan) after the guy taunted him with that "jump shot" dance that our defense does after a big play.

As Giant fan, all I can say is "Cool! Fucking asshole deserved it". You gotta love a ba-zillionaire owner who can still get that fired up over their team, instead of just treating it like another investment in their portfolio.

And it's nice to see someone on the Giants make a sure tackle these days.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Batteries Not Included

Six more shopping days until Christmas. And this rare funny sketch on "Saturday Night Live" supplies the perfect gift idea.

GE owns a lot more than just NBC it seems

By TPerl

Yesterday, the whole family drove into NYC to see the big tree in Rockefeller Center.

Everything was great until the security guy came up to me to tell me I needed to take my daughter down off my shoulders. Apparently they don't wont to get sued if she falls and gets hurt.

What Rockefeller Center and my kid possibly falling off my shoulders have to do with each other is completely lost on me.

First of all, short of the whole fucking tree suddenly falling right on top of us, I am NOT going to let my little girl get hurt.

Second of all, how can some security guard have the right to tell me how to hold my fucking child? Next I suppose they'll be telling us to make her wear a winter hat so they don't get sued for a case of the sniffles.

Can we just kill all the lawyers now?

Monday, December 11, 2006

Duck, Donald

And now for a fitting farewell to our greatest Secretary of Defense since Robert McNamara.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Euro Itchy & Scratchy Land

Back from vacation, and you just can't beat those Disney imagineers, manufacturing a picture-perfect rainbow for our amusement.

And here for further amusement, a list of the Top 10 Disney heroines. Sorry, Arielle. Your girl barely squeaked onto this list. Apparently because she might be underage (though I imagine she's legal now, if a bit fishy).