Saturday, August 30, 2008

Earwaxing Philosophical

You may have noticed I haven't blogged in a while. Or maybe you haven't, considering how few people visit this site. (Then again, if you don't visit this site, it's hard for you to read this post in the first place).

So much has happened since I last expressed my mind wanderings on the Fourth of July. We've had a Chinese Olympics with record-breaking accomplishments, pre-pubescent gymnasts and hours and hours of bikini-clad beach volleyball coverage. The New York Jets traded for a drama queen Hall of Famer in the twilight of his career. The Democrats nominated a black guy who should be president.
I could go on and on and on (and on) about this stuff. But what really got me all riled up today is this story about earwax.
Apparently, despite my lifelong history of swabbing the yellow shit out of my ears with fascinated disgust, earwax is good for you. Something about providing lubrication and whatnot. And -- get this -- it's self-cleaning!
Question: Ears have been on fully evolved human heads for, let's say to be conservative, forever. Why are we only learning this in 2008? And has anyone told the Q-Tip people?
This is not a casual question. It seems everything I've ever been taught growing up turns out to be wrong. Milk does the body good (it doesn't, really. And when you think that we're the only species that drinks the milk of another species, it's kinda gross). Smoking isn't addictive. Fox is fair and balanced. Michael Bolton is talented. All lies.
So forgive me for my cynicism and skepticism. So much of what is wrong in our world derives from someone else exploiting neuroses and fear to make money. If I ever meet the dude that invented Q-Tips, I'm gonna stick a handfull of swabs up his ass. Take that, Leo Gerstenzang!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Rockin' the Mic

By TPerl

I'm meeting my friend Rocky for lunch next week. I haven't seen him in a while since we're usually on different coasts, and I was reminded again about how cool his job is, especially when compared to mine. Rocky works for a major league baseball team. His office is inside the stadium - how cool is it to wake up every day for work and commute to a major league ballpark!

Also, in his spare time, he does radio broadcasts for the local minor league affiliate. When I went to visit Rocky a few years ago, I got to sit in the booth with him while he did the game - it was a blast. During one inning, he let me participate in the broadcast as his "special guest" - he interviewed me between plays about my baseball loyalties and experiences. The funniest part was when the half-inning ended and Rocky deadpanned to me "Can you stick around for another half-inning?" as if I was a VIP with places to go and people to see.

Check out Rocky in action by clicking the link above - he's got the first 2 highlights and the last highlight in the series of clips.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Doubles Diving

By Arielle

I am a sucker for the Olympics. I love just about everything about them - the big sports, the bizarre sports, the patriotism, the NBC Olympic music, the cheesy stories about the athletes who overcame absurd obstacles, Bob all gets a free pass through my skeptical filter.

But I have a problem with this year's Olympics, and it's not just about Darfur and important things like genocide. No, this is sports-related.

What the hell is up with doubles diving?

It's actually pretty cool to watch. Two divers jump off a platform at the same time and do flips in unison. Pretty cool. But..this is really a sport? Like, at the same time that they cut softball and baseball from all future Olympics? Seriously?

I'm sure synchronized diving requires more and different skills that the regular, one-person kind. But if you have to limit the number of sports, shouldn't you maybe start with sports that are, like, literally redundant? If the doubles divers don't make the team, they can always try out as a single. Softball players...what do they do? Try badminton?

My friend Pam also has a good point about this: If you have doubles diving, why not doubles for every sport? Doubles hurdling? Synchronized javelin? Synchronized volleyball?