Monday, January 09, 2006

Culture Wars: The Phantom Menace

So, does anyone know the score of our national culture war?

I imagine you've heard about this thing. Open hostilities between left and right with the center getting smooshed via collateral damage. Something about abortionists trying to grinch Christmas away from Jesus freaks and giving Santa Claus a faggot makeover so he can screw Jake Gyllenhaal before attending a NASCAR event.

Or some such thing.

If you listen to talk radio or cable news, you might get the impression this country is about as divided as those election maps. And you might be right. I don't have the statistics to back up any theories as to what the majority of Americans think about anything. I mean, most Americans do not believe in evolution. What good is a poll if it only confirms your low opinion of Americans? These are the same people that made Tim Allen's "Home Improvement" the number one show year after year.

No, I'm not gonna try and disprove the existence of these culture wars. They are too damn entertaining.

Who doesn't enjoy watching Letterman telling Bill O'Reilly that 60 percent of what he's says is crap. Of course, Letterman didn't have any proper ammunition to debate O'Reilly's hysterical rantings of supposed anti-Christmas evidence (what would O'Reilly do, by the way, if the pope decided to outlaw Santa Claus in response to the anti-Christian, commercial, pagan invention he is?). Which is the way it should be. People who scream for attention at the top of their lungs and can't be ignored should at least be laughed at. Certainly someone with such peculiar sexual peccadilloes.

Since I've left the city and returned to an automotive existence, I've rediscovered radio (I know, I know, just in time for Howard Stern to bolt for space). NPR is nice and educational. But then so is 770 AM.

Last week, Rush Limbaugh was going off about the something he saw in the DVD extras of "March of the Penguins." Apparently, the tree-hugging, blame-America-first, blame-humans-for-global-warming filmmakers didn't have the humanistic chutzpah to assist baby penguins that had fallen into a three-foot crevasse. How could these hypocrites hide behind their impartial, documentarian roles instead of saving these poor creatures? How could they sit and watch these animals get torn apart by sea lions?

If you're like me when faced with such inanity, you might start shouting back at the radio. Something like: Hey, moron! This is what happens in nature. These people went there precisely so they could capture the hard life of these amazing birds. The filmmakers are no more cruel for their inaction than nature for eventually killing off all of what it creates.

But then you'd be falling into one of the traps which are these shows reason for existing.

At one point in the Howard Stern bio-pic "Private Parts," a station functionary delivers the latest ratings. People are tuning in record numbers to Stern's controversial show. In response to a question asking why they listen, Stern-lovers say they want to hear what he's going to say next. Stern-haters, who listen twice as long, answer the same question with the same answer.

For much of this country, being infuriated is addictive.

Which might explain some of this media-driven "culture wars" talk. For me, like most of what goes on in this country, I find it entertaining. I mean, can you really take this stuff seriously?

There's a guy on 770 at nights, Mark Levin, who makes Rush seem like a one of those toy monkeys with the cymbals banging together. His voice actually sounds a little like those cymbals. And he deigns takes calls from "libs," as he calls them. But you'll notice that not one of the "libs" he speaks with can hardly put together two sentences, much less a cogent argument. Last week, he had on a guy he rightly suspected was drunk. And then he skewered the guy for it. As if his own producers weren't screening these tomato cans for him to squeeze into sauce.

You can poke fun at me for spending valuable time with some of the folks responsible for this recent divisiveness. My favorite part is when a guy like Limbaugh or Hannity belittle "the media" as if they aren't a HUGE part of it.

But whether this divide is real or perceived, there is value in checking in with what so much of this country uses to check themselves. And laugh at them. Because arguing can be so cruel, especially in a time of war.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh, ricky. how i miss your cynicism! but re: your the rest of the courty if fucked, I have a couple points to make. Having lived in the bible-beating south for almost a half year in perhaps what you call the front lines of this "culture war", I am not really quite sure you've pegged it accurately. first of all, most of the country doesn't give a hoot about Christmas being hijacked by flaming liberals, no matter how much Rush screams his head off about it. They're too busy being fucked by our nation's glorious healthcare system, or toiling away at minium wage jobs to enter into inane cultural debates. Second, the culture war is just media fodder, material for conservative talk radio to push liberal buttons. Most people here don't care or don't want to bother with it because they think it's stupid. Because it is stupid. And you don't need a four-year college education to know that. Lastly, before simply reducing "the rest of the country" to a mob of angry, right-wing bozos waging a highly calculated culture war against liberals, come for a visit. I think the only thing you'll find is a lot of incompetence and complacancey. And that's really what I believe keeps the country in check!

But yes, I agree...dopes like Rush Limbaugh should be taken out back and whooped.

What else is new? sorry i've been so out of the loop lately. how was your new year's?

D. Bones said...

Sorry for the incoherent post. Of course the culture wars are a media creation (thus the "phantom" menace). Anyone who cares is either trolling for ratings or hooked on intolerance and fury. I just think it's funny. Not real, just funny. Like G-strings made out of cotton candy.

Anonymous said...

Left? Right?
Liberal? Conservative?
Red State vs Blue State - WHAT THE FUCK?

I agree with you both.

I'll tell you right now that the more I read your post and these comments I don't even know what the diffence is between a liberal and a conservative? Is there really a difference? Do I really care? Did I take this job for a quick buck? We may never know the answers to these questions.

Anyway, I think all these "culture war" issues have become so over-saturated in TV and radio that nobody even knows who's fighting who anymore. You even talked about O'Reilly's "anti-Christmas rantings" even though I heard his comments as PRO-Christmas (not that I give a shit what he says) - he was giving examples of the absurdity of our "PC-Police" for making us say "Happy Holidays" and for forcing a Church's nativity display to remove everything (Jesus, etc.) except the shepherds, etc.), so even you were lost in the rhetoric.

But as Letterman said in that debate - "I don't pay any attention to those things. I still do what I want". But of course (to Bones' point), it makes damn good entertainment, which is why Letterman has O'Reilly, et al on his show.

D. Bones said...

Oops again. I was referring to O'Reilly's hysterical rantings of supposed anti-Christmas evidence, not his anti-Christmas rantings.

Edited to reflect slightly more sound logic.

eddie spaghetti said...

rick, I watched the letterman video. good preparation for entering the US tommorrow. It saddens me a bit. We are all trying to inform opinions about something that is largely out of our grasp. need to brush up on nation building, I guess. I do think we have to be careful of thinking that the "culture wars" are just the media thing. those things bleed into "real life" Rwanda disaster got started on the radio, and couldn't have happened without it.
so the devisiveness is really scary. I'll miss the Canada. It's different here. not at war. that helps, I guess. Remember TonSai, getting lectured by those self rightous corporate lawyers?
anyhow, thanks for the humorous outlook. that shit just makes me mad!

D. Bones said...

I'd like to think this country isn't as malleable as Rwanda when it comes to arbitrary ethnic distinctions that lead to a radio-instigated genocide.

But then I wonder about the huge ratings garnered by Rush and Hannity et al. Pretty soon one of those fuckwads will be announcing it's time to cut down the tall trees and then it's look out, Jews!