Welcome to my vomitorium:
5. Cured Deli Meat - Corned beef, pastrami, salami, kippered herring. It's all evil, evil, evil. Meat that is actually meant for human consumption doesn't need to be salted and soaked in brine to make it appetizing. Give me a sliced turkey sandwhich. At least I can imagine that meat having once appeared on an animal.
4. Gefilte Fish/Chopped Liver - Oh, those crazy Jews and their inedible ethnic food. Give them points for matzoh ball soup (which doesn't exactly have a taste, though a nice mushy texture which only belongs in a soup). But explain to me the allure of gelatenous food that looks like something the cat left in his dish. And that smell...I can't even think of an analogy for something so ungodly. You would think the Chosen People could choose something better to eat.
3. ______ Salad - Fill in the blank. Egg salad, seafood salad, tuna salad, chicken salad, macaroni salad. If it appears behind a glassed-in counter at a deli, it is just wrong. There is a reason these delis need to quarantine the stuff from the customers. It smells and looks like a pile of scraps someone swept off the floor in an elementary school cafeteria and covered with vile, creamy crap (see #2).
2. Mayonaise - Completely worthless, stinky gunk. Take a healthy sandwich and add dollups of vomit-inducing putird fat. Why not just order a rotting lard sandwhich? And 2a: Mustard - No reason to subject any sandwhich or hot dog to a bright yellow condiment that triggers a gag reflex just thinking about it.
1. Canned Tuna Fish - Seriously, what is the deal here? I love tuna sushi or a grilled tuna steak. But the watery crap that comes out of these cans and the mush that results when you pour mayonaise on it for a sandwich that smells like a girl's panties when she has a yeast infection...I mean, ew. Here's a hint: tuna fish should never be served with an ice cream scoop.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
No corned beef. No pastrami. No salami. No mustard.
They may come and put your foreskin back on.
KEVIN'S COMMENTS:
#5 - You forgot to add any pink blocks of meat. Ham and the nasty Olive Loaf (that pink block of ham with green olives imbedded in the block. It's nasty looking. You also left of Bologna (prounounced Buh-Lone-Eee). I don't even know what a Bologna is. But, I'd stay the hell away !
#4 - While I love Chopped Liver for some reason, Gefilte Fish could be the grossest thing ever. It looks like a Matzah Ball but smells like the Pier. In this category should go Pickeled Herring. It's that herring stuff with onions soaking in a sauce that looks like jism.
#3 - Except Tuna Salad I agree on all points. Who ever decided to take a chicken's period (egg) and smother it in mayo. Looks gross and smells like a bad fart.
#2 - Add ALL condiments. Mayo. Yuck. Ketchup. Vile. Mustard. Beyone vile. Mustard is a color for Benjamin Moore paint. The look and smell of this condiment could actually disintegrate my nostril hairs.
#1 - Leave the Tuna alone. More gross in a can is those little vienna hot dogs. A hot dog is just disgusting. However, when mini and soaked in some crap in a can is even grosser.
Honorable Mention to:
A. Rice Pudding & Cottage Cheese - this looks like curled milk.
B. Flan...what would anyone want a dessert that tastes like a wet sponge.
C. Sweet Potatoes w/ Marshmellow...who decided to put candy in a potato dish.
D. Kuggle...burnt noodles and raisens. Not good.
E. Salmon and Talapia. The smell has gotta be worse than a whore's beaver.
F. Lamb...taste like a nasty pork chop.
G. Soy Milk...it's like drinking bad water with no taste. How the hell can anyone use this in their cereal.
H. Cooked Fruit...grilled pineapple, apple pie. Fruit should be cold and juicy.
What exactly are you eating these days - bird seed?
Post a Comment